Representing Cassandra in Matrimonial Law: Asperger's Syndrome in Separation and Divorce

By Sheila Jennings Linehan B.A., LL.B., J.D. and FAAAS Inc.

A tragic character of Greek mythology, Cassandra was admired by the god, Apollo. He mentored her and gave her the gift of prophecy. But he was angered because she accepted him as a teacher, but not as a lover. So he twisted the gift, that no one would believe her predictions, including the secret of the Trojan horse, even though she was invariably correct (Brewers 1992). The gift became a curse.

The Greeks were aware that an individual repeatedly not believed would suffer profound moral distress. The name Cassandra was chosen to represent the long time family member or partner of someone with Asperger's Syndrome (AS), a high functioning form of autism. As with the Cassandra of Greek myth, these individuals often experience moral distress. They also become pathologized, typically developing reactive depression or the appearance of neurosis, exactly the behavior expected for a normal individual subjected to prolonged moral distress (Hackett and Henderson 2002). This pathologization of the party without the dysfunction is a theme seen in the work of Lenore Walker.

The Cassandra concept is particularly relevant for the case of an AS partner with children. She or he (we will use "she" in this context, because AS is at this present time, recognized in more males than females) will come to the law office and correctly inform her attorney that there are safety issues regarding the parent with AS. However, she will be viewed as an alarmist or, even worse, a parent with parental alienation issues. Thus, though she accurately predicts future harm to her children, she becomes the party labeled as abnormal. British family law attorneys Hackett and Henderson observe in their recent Family Law article that it is, ironically, the non-AS mother who will be incorrectly identified as the problem. When the predicted child safety incidents occur, they are rationalized, normalized and "written off." This is the result of professionals failing to identify the overall pattern and diagnosis.

This Cassandra Phenomenon is increasingly recognized, and the term is now used by the internationally-recognized experts on Asperger's Syndrome: Tony Attwood, Ph.D. from Australia and Counselor Maxine Aston, BSc, formerly with the RELATE Program of England. Support for individuals experiencing this problem is provided by the international non-profit organization, FAAAS, Inc. (Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome, Inc.)

In the family law context, AS has been addressed only a handful of times in the literature. It has been the subject of four reports in British law journals (Young, 2001; Hackett & Henderson, 2002; District Judge Mitchell, 2003; Jennings Linehan & Schloss 2003) and two reports in the child welfare literature in Great Britain and Canada (Forrester & Aston, 2000; Jennings Linehan & Schloss, 2003).

The Cassandra Phenomenon was the topic of lectures by Maxine Aston at the third FAAAS, Inc. International Conference, co-sponsored for the second time with Massachusetts Mental Health Center, a major teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School, in Boston, 2003. The AS partnership in general and the Cassandra Phenomenon in particular have been addressed in lectures by British-born author, advocate and clinical psychologist, Dr. Tony Attwood at major conferences in England, Australia and the United States. Another speaker at AS conferences was Dr. Venetia Young, a physician and family therapist who counsels couples where one party has AS and who went on to write "Encounters with Asperger's Syndrome in the Solicitors Office" (Family Law, 2001) in part to alert the British family law bar to (removed some of) the clinical problems and legal issues in the more difficult cases involving a parent with AS.

Family lawyers Hackett and Henderson wrote their article "Asperger's Syndrome in Child Contact Cases" in part as a response to Dr. Young's feature article. Both articles were addressed by District Judge Mitchell in his Family Law article, "Contact and the Unusual Parent." None of these articles is more than 3 years old, a fact that speaks to the novelty of this issue in the family law context.

The international conferences form an important part of the literature on the AS marriage, family and parenting. Transcripts are available on the FAAAS, Inc. website, www.faaas.org. Important in this collection is the lecture outline entitled "The Healing of Cassandra," the result of Aston's ongoing research into AS partnership and its impact on the non-autistic spouses, usually women. The conference transcripts serve to amplify the voices of family members from around the world who openly discuss with a clinical psychologist what it is to be in a relationship with a person with AS. In none of the regions where the conferences have taken place do these family members have a meaningful voice in their family courts, because custody and access assessors, family lawyers, children's lawyers social workers as well as the Child Protection Courts are not yet aware of this syndrome and its impact on children and partners (see Jennings Linehan and Schloss International Family Law 2003).

A recently published American book, Asperger's Syndrome and Adults…Is Anyone Listening?: Essays and Poems by Partners, Parents and Family Members of Adults with Asperger's Syndrome (Rodman, 2003) discusses the 'side-effect' of this neurological disorder. Rodman's book offers the reader a clear view into the lonely world of Cassandra. Included are valuable articles by author and activist Brenda Wall (England) "When Love Is Not Enough," a piece by Marguerite Long (Australia) "Behind a Glass Wall," and a paper by disability activist and author Judy Singer (Australia), "When Cassandra was Very Very Young," from the viewpoint of the daughter of a mother with AS.

The National Autistic Society of Britain has published a book (2001) written by couples counselor, Maxine Aston, entitled The Other Half of Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide To Living in an Intimate Relationship with a Partner Who Has Asperger's Syndrome (2001). It describes, in part, the AS marriage from the perspective of Cassandra. It briefly addresses the personal and marital breakdown and how it might look depending on who left the union. Liane Holliday Willey (1999) wrote her book Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome in an effort to illustrate how a wife and mother with AS struggles in her relationships as a partner and parent. Holliday Willey offers us insight into the experience of AS mothering by a highly educated (the author holds a PhD in Education) woman. Parts of this book evoke great compassion in the reader, yet other sections leave the reader feeling distinctly uncomfortable, especially with respect to issues concerning the best interests of the child.

The controversial article authored by Welsh social worker Ruth Forrester with Aston "Living with Asperger's Syndrome" [1] was written for a Social Workers professional audience and published in Community Care (2000). It offers insight into the more difficult AS marriages. The article addresses abuse that may occur in some AS marriages and addresses the effect it has on family members. The Asperger Marriage (2002) is a controversial book written by a married couple with children. The husband has AS. They propose what the authors consider practical solutions and advice on dealing with the kinds of marital challenges that AS poses to partnership.

Critics of the former article argue that AS marriages are not as dysfunctional as its authors describe. In contrast, critics of the latter commentary point out that the authors paint a subjective portrait of denial, offering up the Pollyanna version of AS partnership. We submit that both perspectives, however far apart, have something important to offer the legal profession in their education on how to represent clients attempting to leave AS partnerships and social workers involved with these families in the clinical setting.

In truth, there is no single, representative AS marriage. There are only individuals struggling in these marriages. Interestingly, when one partner is on the spectrum and the other is not, the union has been termed a mixed marriage, by some members of the AS community, reflecting their view of AS as a cultural difference rather than as a neurological disorder. The geography of autism is not yet fully mapped out however. As clinical psychologist and University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson has noted, in loyalty to personal interest subjective meaning can serve as an antidote to the overwhelming temptation constantly posed by the possibility of denying anomaly. And there is a great deal of anomaly and paradox in the syndrome Hans Asperger identified, and a great deal of anomaly in these families. However anomalous, the presence of Asperger's Syndrome in separation, divorce and child protection must be addressed by professionals. It is an important landmark on the map.

Because every adult with AS is different, so too are the marriages, affected as they are by a significant neurological difference. Some of the variation among AS marriages may result from variation in the severity of the AS, and it may also depend on the number of successful accommodations provided by the partner and child. Other important clinical and non-clinical factors may influence the instability in these marriages, such as the number of co-morbidities in the AS party suffers, the mental and physical health status of the non-autistic partner, and the neurological status of their children.

In the now vast literature on AS, strikingly little is available concerning marriage and divorce. This is a glaring omission given the knowledge base already available regarding AS differences. Little logical extrapolation is needed to deduce the potential for harm to family members. Three articles are available that offer overviews of potential problems one can expect to arise when an individual separates from and co-parents with an adult on the autistic spectrum: "High Conflict and Asperger's Syndrome" (Jennings Linehan 2003), Special Needs Practice Issues for Ontario Mediators (Jennings Linehan 2003) and "Who's Minding the Children? Child Contact and the Neurologically Impaired Parent", (Jennings Linehan and Schloss 2003).

For counselors, Aston has written "Asperger's Syndrome in the Counseling Room" (2003), and British activist Brenda Wall along with FAAAS, Inc recently prepared a brochure concerning Asperger's Syndrome partnerships, which is available at the FAAAS, Inc. website. The first printed acknowledgement that persons with AS marry and have marital difficulties resulting from their autism was a fact sheet published by the National Autistic Society of Great Britain, "Help for Partners of People with Asperger's Syndrome". Wall, a pioneer in this field, met with Dr. Francesca Happe (Senior Cognitive Psychologist at the Institute of Psychiatry, King's College, London and author on autistic spectrum disorders). Dr. Happe subsequently helped persuade the National Autistic Society of the U.K. to publish the first fact sheet in 1998.

Several other self-published flyers and newsletters have been prepared by groups and individuals supporting relatives of individuals with AS. These have been instrumental in successful implementation of Cassandra-related initiatives [2]. Currently, Aston is offering a support group known as The Cassandra Unity Project through a counseling centre in Coventry. A sample of the other spousal support groups include ones organized Karen Rodman (FAAAS, Inc. USA) by Linda Newland (Aspires, USA), and Carol Grigg (GRASP, Australia) as well as the group Aspouse (Australia) and a group in Toronto (Canada) run by a nurse.

Support groups for spouses are notably absent from larger organizations that support persons with autism. This matter raises interesting questions and hopefully will change with time. These large, funded and publicly-supported organizations typically offer sibling support and parent support groups for families with autistic children in them, but have failed overall to acknowledge the concept of the Cassandra Phenomenon. The reasons for this are beyond the scope of this article.

1. Both authors have had significant experience working with individuals who have this disorder.
2. This article offers one perspective only of a multi- faceted issue. Non-autistic men marry women on the autistic spectrum, and they have a story to tell that family lawyers need to hear and understand. Women on the spectrum are often drawn to men on the spectrum because of life-style similarities. There are gender issues within autism that need to be explored. The website ASpar, out of Australia, is hosted and founded by an autism advocate who was raised by an autistic mother. Adult children of parents with autism have only now found their voice. Minor children of autistic parents need help to find theirs. Spouses of autistic partners are still searching for assistance and validation from publicly supported organizations. Persons living with autism spectrum disorders have important stories to tell.

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